Tuesday, March 4, 2008

A little progress...

For those of you that I talk to on a regular basis, you know that I've been struggling with what to do with Kayden Grace. She has her moments of love for Yeadon and I, but most of the time we both feel that she hasn't bonded with us. She's constantly testing us to see what we'll do in the way of discipling her, and when told "no" she will often throw a fit. This isn't to say that she's a bad girl or that we don't completely adore her. It's just to say, this is harder than we thought. Kaelin was able to bond with us because we've had her since birth; Kayden is still trying to figure out if we are going to stick around long enough for her to care about us. I've talked to friends, family, even our old case worker just trying to figure what we should be doing to let her know we love her and that we aren't going anywhere. Here's some of the advice that's been given to us:
- It's only been 2 months, give it time.
- Be consistent. Consistency will in time win her over.
- Give her one on one time with just Yeadon and I.
- Give her a specific object to get mad at (a pillow, a blow-up punching doll, etc.) so she will have a "safe way" to let out her anger.
- At specific times, feed her and give her a drink like she's a baby, letting her feel that special bond that you get when you feed a baby.
- Think of her as a mini teenager who just can't verbalize what she's feeling or what she wants

All of these suggestions (and many more) have been given in love and with the attitude of helping. I'm so grateful for all of you who have been a loving, listening ear to my frustrations and concerns.

Well.... this morning something was different, not just in Kayden's attitude toward me, but in my attitude towards her. I don't know if it's all the prayers that have been sent heavenward for our family, or if we both just realized that we're not going to give up on each other... but something was definitely different. Kayden didn't hover around the kitchen waiting to eat breakfast. She came out of her room and started playing with Kaelin and their toys, without being asked to do so. She ate her breakfast slowly (instead of inhaling everything) and was content to be let down from the table once she was done without throwing a fit that there was no more food to eat. After showering, she was calm and let me dress her without fuss and then let me do her hair. She even let me put a headband in her hair (which didn't last much longer than the picture!). Plain and simple, she has been the delight of my heart today (in most things) in a way that hasn't been experienced since she came to be part of our family. It was almost like she realized it's not worth fighting us on everything and she is content to let us love her. What a change! I was able to be her mom today without feeling like I was being the bad guy over and over. Praise God! I've felt like I was failing her in so many ways and today Jesus' love for both of us was so evident in the way we behaved toward each other. So here's to all your prayers and advice... See my Beautiful, God-given daughter and love her as I love her.


hope said...

oh jen. what a blessing to my heart, this little blog was. i am so overjoyed for you. parenting is rough, and you have persevered - and will continue to - through the years to come.

i adore you all!

Anonymous said...

After talking to you yesterday I could hardly wait to come in this morning and look at the latest posting of our beautiful little one. She is so cute and I love the headband even if it only lasted a few minutes.. PaPa and I will continue our part in prayer. I have total faith that given time and patiences all will be good soon. We love you guys and really appreciate your love for Kayden Grace and Kaelin. I can't wait to print this one!
Love & Blessing,
LeeAnn a.k.a. YawYaw